She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
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I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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