he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You were trust falling into bushes
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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