Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
