Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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