My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
