I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Of course I have a pirate flag
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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