I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
