seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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