I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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