How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
