You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm passing your future prison.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize