god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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