dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
