Define "chronic" masturbator.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
