I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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