Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
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That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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