I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i think i have herpe
just one?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
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i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My dad is sitting where you rode me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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