Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize