my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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