I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
