Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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