The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
