Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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