I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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