An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
