i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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