My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
