Where did you get a picture of my penis
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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