Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
