Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
