Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize