3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
