I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize