I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
