Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
