i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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