it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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