i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have fence marks all over my body
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
