I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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