...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
