If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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