Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
