I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
