a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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