ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
