so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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