I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
