If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize