six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
