How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize