the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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