I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
