Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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