I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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