I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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