you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
