i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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