My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
